Drink and Be Merry
by SatanicPlatypus
Summary: Usually, it's Draco that's known as the Sex God and Hermione that's the quiet bookworm. But what if, secretly, it was the opposite way round? RATED M DUE TO LOTS OF SEXUAL REFERENCES AND LANGUAGE. NO EXPLICIT SMUT.


Summary: Usually, it's Draco that's known as the Sex God and Hermione that's the quiet bookworm. But what if, secretly, it was the opposite way around?

It was a summer's night, not cold by any means, when Draco decided to take a walk around the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. He was bored and all his friends were boring and all his books were boring and, to sum it up, absolutely everything was boring. He'd left the common room and was now walking the halls, still bored. He'd come from the dungeons, and had periodically stalked through each floor before ascending. Nothing interested him nowadays. All the paintings were ignoring him, and he'd seen every bloody suit of armour about fifty fucking times. It was when he got to the seventh floor that something peaked his interest. A door appeared. Draco had seen this door a few times before, needless to say, when trying to complete his task set to him by the Dark Lo- Voldemort. He pursed his lips, looking at the door for a moment, before entering.

Hermione was bored. The Gryffindor common room was always so loud and all of the men- no _boys _were absolute idiots. Even most muggles had more sense, and some muggles really took the piss when it came to females. She exhaled loudly before leaving the common room to go to her favourite spot. Once she'd arrived on the seventh floor, she stood before a perfectly ordinary patch of wall and thought _'I need somewhere to entertain me.' _thrice. The door appeared, and a small smirk appeared on her face before she entered. The room fixed itself just as she liked it - warm, with a few plushy sofas and a warm fire crackling in the hearth. A few bottles of Firewhiskey that she'd got from the kitchens (she was quite friendly with the elves; they forgive and forget quite easily) appeared on the small end-table near one of the sofas. There were a few large bookshelves dotted around the room, each containing plenty of fiction and non-fiction books. In the corner, there was a large four-poster bed, for if she got too tired and couldn't be arsed facing Won-Won and his fucking Lav-Lav. She absolutely loved the layout of this room. She'd been sat in there for approximately 10 minutes when her perfectly pleasant peace had been disturbed.

"Granger?!"

"Malfoy?!"

"What the fuck are you doing in here Mudblood?"

"I think you'll find that I was in here first you stupid prick. Now get out, you're ruining the atmosphere," said Hermione, taking a swig from one of the bottles before continuing, "It was honestly quite nice before your filthy presence decided to invade my space."

"Excuse me, Mudblood, but I'm not leaving. You should get _your _filthy presence out of here. Also, how dare you of all people call _me _filthy?!"

"Honey, finders keepers. Now fuck off." Hermione was starting to get more than a little pissed off.

"Wow, Gryffindor's Golden Girl swore? Someone call the prophet!" said Draco, fake-astonishment marking his features.

"Right, you can either fuck off, or you can come here and get pissed. Your choice. I'm too tired and not drunk enough to give a shit right now." Hermione took a large drink from the bottle nearest her, enjoying the burn as the amber liquid slipped down her throat.

Draco, quite surprised at the usually prim and proper bookworm, sat on one of the other sofas. Passing the bottle over to Draco, she sighed loudly and blew a strand of hair out of her face. There was a few moments of awkward silence while the two started to drink, before Draco broke it.

"So, why is Gryffindor's Golden Girl drinking, on a school night no less? I would've thought that you'd be locked in your tower, reading yourself to death."

"Actually, Malfoy, I think that you'd find that I come here quite a lot, to try to relax, though that's not really happening right now. I wanted a quiet drink, and to get away from those noisy pricks in the common room. They don't know a jot about a good party."

"And you do? Did you decide to loosen your chastity belt in the holidays?"

"You'll find that I've never really been like that, if you'd have decided to notice. I've always been a bit nerdy in school, but out of school I'm quite the party girl."

"The fact that you used the term party girl says to me that you don't get out much."

"Oh fuck off, I don't know what term to use. We don't really use terms as such when we're out."

"Anyway, Granger, why have you been going to parties?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"As I said before, you're Gryffindor's Golden Girl. You're supposed to take care of the drunks, not be one yourself."

"I told you, they're noisy pricks that don't know a jot about a good party. It's not about acting smashed and stupid. It's about good company and hot guys… sometimes girls."

Draco's jaw dropped, "You've hooked up with guys and girls? I thought you were the biggest virgin in Hogwarts?!"

"Nope," said Hermione, a grin adorning her face as she popped the 'p' in nope. "Honestly, when I'm pissed, I don't care about gender. And, in truth, girls often do it better. I'm straight, but why not? Anyway, how many people have _you _hooked up with, if you're calling me the biggest virgin in Hogwarts?"

Hermione looked at him pointedly when he didn't answer. He was looking into his lap.

"Sometime today would be good Malfoy."

He wet his lips and muttered something under his breath. When he lifted his head, she asked him to repeat it.

"None! Absolutely fucking none, okay Granger?"

"But they call you the Slytherin Sex God… You're seriously a virgin? Fucking hell dude…"

"Enough with the 'dude', you're not American. And does it actually fucking matter that I'm a virgin and I prefer to focus on my studies instead of shagging?"

"I focus on my studies in school, and then out of school, well, things get good. Honestly, you should try sex Malfoy. It's pretty good if you do it with the right person. Oral's good too, if the person know what they're doing." Hermione leaned back, throwing her head over the back of the sofa, biting her lower lip. She looked fucking hot, Draco thought, before he banished the thought to the recesses of his mind. She's Granger, she's not allowed to be attractive to us!

"Are you listening to me Malfoy?" She looked at him, looking fairly confused. "Earth to Malfoy?"

"What do you want Granger?"

"I said. 'Do you know how many willing volunteers you have? You should probably go out and shag someone.' Seriously Malfoy, you should try it."

"What if I don't want to, and I'm waiting for the right time?"

Hermione burst out laughing, and Draco pursed his lips. What was so funny about waiting?

"You…you…" she managed to get out between bursts of mirth, "You should like you're one of those girls that wait till marriage!"

"I'm not waiting until marriage for Merlin's sake, I just don't want to shag someone and it not mean anything. I'm surprisingly sentimental."

"That's… not what I expected from you honestly. I haven't shagged anyone since I came back to school, because they're all nitwits around here. Wouldn't know what to do even if I gave them a step-by-step guide." She shook her head before drinking some more.

"I prefer… dalliances to mean something. Even kissing a girl is a big thing for me Granger, like you wouldn't believe. I've only kissed, probably, 3 girls."

"Seriously Draco? Even I've kissed more girls than you!"

"You just called me Draco."

"Did I? Did you like it, Draco?" she said, her tone sultry, rolling the 'r'. Draco didn't know what her game was, but his trousers were definitely tightening.

"If you want to, Hermione." Two could play at her game.

The conversation lapsed into silence once more, though this time it wasn't awkward, but it was more… sexual. You could feel the tension in the room. Unlike last time, Hermione broke the silence.

"Draco, you know how you only kiss someone if they mean something?"

"Yes…"

"What if they kiss you?"

"Wha-?" Any question that he would've asked was cut off by Hermione pressing her lips against his. The kiss wasn't like any that he'd had before, not like he'd had much to compare it to though. It was demanding and lusty and he was loving it. She opened her mouth and he deepened the kiss, his arms wrapping around her waist while she tangled her hands in his hair. They didn't know how long they were there, snogging, but it felt like time had stopped. Eventually, she broke the kiss due to lack of oxygen, staring into his eyes.

"How would you like to lose your virginity? I'll not ditch you afterwards, I promise." She kissed the corner of his lips.

"Only if you'll be my girlfriend."

"What happened to the Mudblood comment upon arrival?"

"Surprise and familiarity intertwined as one. Don't believe in that shit, haven't in a while. I've liked you for a while honestly, and I quite like this side of you that I've discovered."

"I like the bookish side of you that I've discovered. I'll be your girlfriend, I suppose." Hermione kissed her new boyfriend before pulling his shirt over his head. She took him by the hand, and led him to the bed, where she proceeded to take his virginity in quite a few pleasurable ways.

"Did you enjoy that then? I know I did." Hermione said, laying her hand across her boyfriend's sweaty chest.

"Oh fuck yes."

"And the blowjob?"

"Fucking amazing too."

"Was everything fucking amazing?"

"Pretty much. How much did you drink, because I'm started to think that you were drunk when you shagged me and that makes me feel bad."

"How the fuck were you sorted into Slytherin, with your feelings and your bad observation skills? I cast a sobering charm on us both when we both shut up for a while, because I thought it was the drink that made me want to kiss you."

"Oh."

"Yes, 'oh'."

"So, is this going to be a recurring thing now…"

"Yes, it is Draco. We are dating, and now that I've introduced you to the pleasures of sex I have much more to teach you. Do you want to make a start now, or do you need recovery time?" She bit her lip before (in Draco's opinion) the sexiest smirk made its way onto her face. He kissed her smirking lips before flipping her under him.

"Who needs recovery time?"

**A/N My first fan fiction! I apologise for this monstrosity. I can't write very well, and I don't have a Beta. I could use constructive criticism, and if you think I should change the rating to T, let me know. I'm a bit paranoid, because this is my first fan fiction and all. Anyway, please comment, it makes me happy. Ciao for now. **


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